Math exam obviously failed..
I've actually never felt this shitty before. I've had my friends supporting and studying with me yet..
As soon as i saw the exam, i knew i wasn't going to make it, i also realised how only 10% of the vectors came, although 50% of the list of what we should learn were about the vectors, and it was something new we learned too, soni studied pretty much all of it..
..For nothing.
The whole exam was about Functions and Equations, on top of that a long function task which gave 10+ points of 48, it was about how to calculate °F into °C with a function, yet i never knew how to calculate that, i never knew how many °F = 1°C, since we obviously don't use that measuring in europe >.<' (And i never bothered looking at that to be honest)
.. and we needed around 26+ points to be positive... suck on that
So yea, im pretty much asured that this is yet another F (5 in austrian marks), and if the next one is too, i believe i can say bye bye to my school and start working as a damn cleaning personal because i probably won't get any proper job here in austria...
..And honestly, i don't want to be in the 5th grade being 18~19 years old when the students in there are 14~16 ... it's just embarrasing..
At my age i should already be doing my A-levels, but austria and it's damn scholar system just sucks lol.. you have to redo the whole year if you have a F at the end of a year, no matter if it's a main subject or not... it's ridiculous..
I'm ashamed of myself, as soon as i handed in my exam i suddenly felt like my dreams were about crush and break into pieces.
Unwilling i started to cry like a little child that lost it's precious toy... a toy which it holds on to just to smile.
I kinda lost my will to study, it seems no matter how much i try to improve, i just can't seem to get any further.
A friend of mine made a ironical joke by saying "You can't do me but you give up on that?". At this moment i realised what is really important to me. It's not being good in school, it's not succeeding school.
He said it once, and i realise it myself now :
I have tried too hard becomming a person which is not even me, and forgot who i am.
----------
So what do i want?
When i was younger, actually when i first played a RPG i thought "Hey, i want to make my OWN rpg! I want to make the best there is and be the best character designer aswell!" That's how i actually started drawing, writing stories, aswell as researching and analysing other games.. back then, i was 12.
I'll do things on my own now, if i pass this year or not, i will NOT let this crush my dreams and hobbies. I WON'T let it crush the person who i really am, no matter if i'm called a nerd or geek. I have my friends by my side, they believe in me, as much as i believe in them (And that's why my header has this awesome quote from Kamina)
I'll start designing and drawing various stuff once i have my digi-drawing tablet. When this year is over i'll try and "study" how to use Blender, as well as how to programm stuff in a game.
I know this is crazy, i know i won't be able to do it in a year or two, i might need 3 or 4 years to finally get to it, but i SHALL and WILL succeed.
"It doesn't matter how many times you fall, it matters how many times you try and stand up again. It only truly matters how hard you work on something, because THAT is truly rewarding"
I fell so many times in my life, i fell hard and stood up, if i give up now, that all was invain...
I chose a path, and now, i will move on, without any regrets.
".. And there was nothing to regret.
Nothing.. "
---------------------
Why did i write this blog? Simply because it makes me feel better, and simply because i know no1 gives a damn. And if, i don't want pity, i want to show people how i fight, so they can fight in their lives aswell ^^
No comments:
Post a Comment